Royal Navy Rank Structure

Admiral of the Fleet

Faster than a speeding bullet.

More powerful than a locomotive.

Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.

Walks on water.

Lunches with God, but must pick up tab.

Commodore

Almost as fast as a speeding bullet.

More powerful than a shunting engine on a steep incline.

Leaps short buildings with a single bound.

Walks on water if sea is calm.

Talks to God.

Captain

Faster than an energetically thrown rock.

Almost as powerful as a speeding bullet.

Leaps short buildings with a running start in favourable winds.

Walks on water of indoor swimming pools if lifeguard is present.

May be granted audience with God if special request is approved at least three working days in advance.

Commander

Can fire a speeding bullet with tolerable accuracy.

Looses tug-of-war against anything mechanical.

Makes impressively high marks when trying to leap tall buildings.

Swims well.

Is occasionally addressed by God, in passing.

Lieutenant-Commander

Can sometimes handle firearm without shooting self.

Is run over by trains.

Barely clears outhouse.

Dog paddles.

Mumbles to self.

Lieutenant

Is dangerous to self and comrades if armed and unsupervised.

Recognizes trains two out of three times.

Runs into tall buildings.

Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of life jacket and water wings.

Talks to walls.

Sub-Lieutenant

Can be trusted with either gun or ammunition but never both.

Must have train ticket pinned to jacket and mittens tied to sleeves.

Falls over doorsteps while trying to enter tall buildings.

Plays in Mud puddles.

Stutters.

Midshipman

Under no circumstances to be issued with gun or ammunition, and must even be closely supervised when handling sharp pieces of paper – staples are right out.

Says: “Look at choo choo!”

Not allowed inside buildings of any size.

Makes good boat anchor.

Mere existence makes God shudder.

Warrant Officer Master at Arms

Catches hyper sonic armour piercing fin stabilized discarding sabot depleted uranium long rod penetrators in his teeth and eats them.

Kicks bullet trains off their tracks.

Uproots tall buildings and walk under them.

Freezes water with a single glance; parts it with trifling gesture.

Is God!

RNA Norwich

The Norwich Branch is one of 300+ branches of the Royal Naval Association world wide. It was commissioned in 1979 and today has a membership of just over 90. It is a registered charity in its own right - the Registered Charity Number is: 1068699

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